Monday 28 January 2013

Independent Playtime

Just how do you get a toddler to play on their own?

I'm told that some kids will happily sit in their room and play with their toys for ages, often more than an hour at a time. Lydia has never been like that. From a very early age, she seemed to crave our company, although she wasn't a big fan of contact (not a very cuddly baby).

We used to put her on a playmat with a mobile of dangly toys hanging above her, but she would only slap the dangly things for a couple of minutes before starting to cry out of either frustration or boredom. This made it quite frustrating as it meant we couldn't get on with our daily tasks because we had to try and entertain a grumpy baby.

People often say to me, "you should have left her crying for a while, that would teach her to keep herself busy". Believe me - we tried. We left Lydia crying on her playmat for well over 30 minutes, praying that she would realise that her screaming was getting her nowhere, but she always managed to outlast us. There is only so much high-decibel screaming that a person can stand, so Lydia won every time.

She never really had a problem with sleeping on her own - that's always been one of the blessings we've experienced with Lydia, as she started sleeping in her own bed at 4 weeks old and was sleeping through the night (8pm until 7am) by 6 weeks old. Even her naps have generally been OK, with only small patches of disturbance to the rhythm along the way.

But playing by herself has never been part of Lydia's character. As I mentioned above, she seems to need interaction with others to be able to play. We tried giving her a wide variety of different toys, from gadgets that make noise and have flashing lights, to puzzles and building blocks, but she has just never played with them on her own (or certainly not for longer than a couple of minutes). She will happily play with me or Christelle, but whenever we walked away to do something else Lydia would inevitably follow us, whinging all the time.

For Christmas last year we bought her a nice wooden kitchen set from IKEA, with a load of pots and pans, plates, cutlery and various plastic or felt toy food items. She loves playing with this when we are in her room with her, as she constantly offers to make us a "cup-o-tee" or give us a slice of gateau. A couple of weeks ago I laid out the quilt that my sister had made by hand last year, placed a couple of cushions on it to act as tables, then invited some dinner guests - Lydia's teddy bears - to sit down for dinner. I showed Lydia how to ask everyone what they wanted to drink and eat, and then to prepare it in her kitchen and serve dinner to her guests. She seemed to really enjoy this, and it made me smile to see her playing nicely.

Unfortunately, the dinner party ended when I left the room to do the washing up from our actual lunch things, as I was followed by a toddler who was grumpy at my departure. It seemed as though I had found a game that she liked, but for it to be fun I would have to play along. Sigh.

We continually try to encourage Lydia to play in her room for a few minutes, and I have read articles about how to do this. Some suggest placing a timer in the room and telling her that she has to play on her own until the buzzer goes off, and then we will do something together. Other articles suggest putting up a stairgate in the doorway and closing it when leaving her in her room to play, maintaining a visual line of sight to the little one while they play so you can encourage and reassure them from afar. This option won't really work for us as it is not possible to maintain a line of sight to her room, unless we stand in the hallway the whole time (which isn't really the idea here).

We discussed what we could do to try and help Lydia gain confidence to play on her own in her room, before giving the timer idea a go. We thought about what games we could encourage her to play, activities that would be fun and absorbing enough for her to not notice we were not sitting next to her. We mentioned the tea party as she really seemed to enjoy that, but how could we get her to do this on her own?

Then we thought about music. Lydia LOVES music, dancing and singing along to children's nursery rhymes and tunes aimed at the young ones. It is how we manage to keep her calm during most car rides, although it almost costs us our sanity at hearing the same songs repeatedly.

Anyone for tea?
So, last night we set up the tea party table on the floor, then my wife put her iPod on a shelf in Lydia's room and left it playing one of Lydia's favourite CDs. Then, we left Lydia in her room and backed away to the living room with our fingers crossed. To our amazement, for the next 30 minutes or so we only saw Lydia once or twice as she came out to offer us some tea and gateau. It was a miracle!

Could it be that music is the key? Have we stumbled across a solution to our problem? Will it work every time?

I guess only time will tell. But at least we got 30 minutes of peace out of it, and that's already a great start.

Sunday 20 January 2013

Sticking to the Routine

I know kids love routine as it gives them a familiarity that allows them to relax and feel comfortable, feeling safe with the day to come.

But from a parent's point of view, some of it can get a little repetitive.

It's up to us to fill the child's day with as many different activities as possible, trying to introduce new ways of spurring their imagination and creativity while educating them at the same time. This, for me, is great. I love drawing with Lydia, building towers and other objects out of Duplo bricks or wooden blocks, reading books and so many other activities. This is the interesting bit, where we break the routine by doing something different to the day before.

The Very Hungry Sodding Caterpillar

When it gets a bit less interesting for me is Lydia's bedtime routine. Not because I don't enjoy saying goodnight to my little girl, because I really do cherish those moments together (last cuddles before bedtime). What I don't particularly enjoy is the fact that Lydia always wants me to read the exact same book and sing her the exact same song before I put her in bed each night.

I must have read "The Very Hungry Caterpillar" over 100 times by now. I know every page by heart, to the point where I recently couldn't find the book so recited it from memory instead. I have tried suggesting other books, asking her if she would like to read some of "Cinderella" or "The Jungle Book", but Lydia repeatedly demands "Capatiller" until I cave in and read it to her.

I would love to be able to read something new, but she never lets me.

The same thing applies to her goodnight song. For roughly 4 months or so last year I had to sing "You are my sunshine" before putting her down in her bed. I don't sing the whole song, just the first four lines, but these four lines become so mind-numbingly repetitive that by the end of those 4 months I had almost no pleasure at all in singing them.

That's what I imagine it must be like for Vanilla Ice or some other one-hit-wonder who has to repeatedly perform the same track.

Just recently, around a month or so ago, I managed to change bedtime songs so now I sing her "Pure Imagination" (from the Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory film). This is accompanied by spinning and dancing around the room, which she really enjoys.

The problem is that this song has now stuck as the only song she will let me sing her before bed. I even resorted to attempting the first line of "You are my sunshine" last night in a bid to change things up a bit, but Lydia stopped me after barely 3 words. The little lady knows what she wants.

I'm constantly on the lookout for new songs that she might like, although they would have to have an excellent opening if I am to get her attention within the first few words. Until then, I'm stuck with "Pure Imagination", which is made worse as I end up getting the song stuck in my head after singing it to her, meaning I spend the rest of the evening absent-mindedly humming it to myself. Until now, nothing else has worked.

I have tried nursery rhymes and songs for babies or young children, but Lydia's only response is to order me to sing "maginashun".

If anyone has any suggestions for a new bedtime song please let me know. It would need to be something a little bit uplifting - Lydia loves the spinning-dancing bits - but ultimately ending with a calming note as I lower her into bed. I realise that narrows the field somewhat, but any ideas would be very much welcome.

Please, for the sake of my sanity, help me!

Wednesday 16 January 2013

Holiday Planning

Dear Readers,

In this article I'm talking about summer holidays. That yearly tradition that the vast majority of us take part in, the exclusion of which is deemed almost as a deprivation of one's rights.

I think it goes without saying that everyone loves to go on holiday. A little trip away helps to break up the monotony of our daily lives, giving us time away from work or studies, a little time to recharge our batteries. It's also good to have something to look forward to as well, the knowledge that you'll be heading off somewhere on holiday in x weeks' time giving you that extra drive to get through the daily drudge.

Lydia's first beach holiday
Last year we were lucky enough to spend our family holiday in Cornwall, England, combining scenic countryside with beach-side fun, although it was somewhat dampened by the torrential rain for half the time we were there. Still, it allowed us to experience something different, and Lydia was able to play on a sandy beach and dip her toes in the chilly sea for the first time in her life.

This year, unfortunately, money is a bit tight, so we are looking at simpler options. Rather than splash out on flights or expensive hotels, we are looking at staying somewhere in Switzerland and finding something that is both relaxing for us and enjoyable for Lydia.

One potential option springs to mind - Switzerland has a plethora of camp sites dotted around the place, near lakes or in mountain villages. This, to me, seems like a great holiday idea. Cheap enough to be affordable whilst still having that sense of freedom to do what you want. I haven't been camping since I was in the Cub Scouts many years ago, apart from a brief weekend staying in a tent at the V Festival in 2002, and have some pretty happy memories of those trips. I've long fancied going camping again somewhere and really doing it properly - putting up a tent, building a camp fire, etc - but I think this might be a bit beyond Lydia for the time being. She would be a little over 2 years old this summer and that's simply too young for that kind of holiday. It's an option I will keep in mind for future holidays, but probably not for this year.

Precluding camping trips means one of the cheaper holiday options has to be left out of the search. Instead, we could perhaps focus on holiday camps that have lots of children and activities for the little ones to busy themselves with. Something like Center Parcs would be ideal, but sadly they don't have a site in Switzerland.

The perfect holiday would be a little holiday home (like a villa or a chalet) in the grounds of a holiday camp that has at least a small terrasse and/or garden, located in a nice, scenic area and possibly near a lake. Oh, and not too expensive. Think that might limit our options somewhat!

I have tried searching on Google to see what's out there, but it seems quite difficult to actually find something suitable. This might be partly because things in Switzerland are a bit on the expensive side, but possibly also because I'm not entering the right search parameters. Either way, I'm struggling to find what we could do and where we could go for this year's family holiday.

There is another limiting option that also hinders this search - the language. I'm a native English speaker who has picked up French since moving to Switzerland, and my wife is bilingual (French and English). Lydia, growing up in a home where both English and French are spoken is naturally picking up the two languages. I'm focusing my search on Switzerland to try and keep costs (such as travel) to a minimum, but the problem is that two-thirds of the country is in areas where Swiss German is the spoken language, such as Zurich, Basel, Bern, etc.

From our point of view, it would be much preferable to stay in the Suisse Romande part of Switzerland, as it's French-speaking and therefore won't require me to take a crash-course in Swiss German or Swiss Italian (or even Rumansch!). This is not just for our benefit, but also to make sure Lydia can communicate with the other kids she meets without too much frowning or reliance on hand gestures. As I said above, this is further restricting our field of search and therefore reducing the options available. It means we are looking at the cantons of Geneva, Vaud, Valais, Fribourg and Jura. It would be nice to get away from Vaud though, as it would feel more like a holiday if we were further from home.

My searches have so far been fruitless, but that's partly why I have written this article. I'm calling for suggestions from all the helpful people out there in Internet-land who know of a holiday idea that just might tick all the boxes.

Any hints or suggestions would be greatly welcome - either leave a comment on this article or drop me an email to:  erniemcpeck@gmail.com.

I will follow up this article with future updates on any ideas that come to me from the good people out there, plus any I think of myself, as this just might help others who are in the same situation as me. Of course, any suggestions I receive will be fully credited to the kind person who suggested it!

As a back-up option, if I can't find anything suitable in Switzerland then I might consider expanding my search to include places in France, in case the ideal holiday is waiting for me in our neighbour country. Therefore, if you have any tips for great holidays in France then please let me know! That being said, it would still be preferable to stay in Switzerland.

Thanks in advance to anyone willing to help an expat out!

Kind regards,

Paul

Friday 4 January 2013

Expat Dads Who Blog - Part III

The final part of the story about my move to Switzerland and my evolving life here since then has just been published on the excellent Geneva Family Diaries website. To read the article please follow this link.

In fact, if you're reading this article then you have most probably followed the link from their website, in which case I thank you warmly for your interest in my life and the things I have to say.

Me with my newborn daughter
The Expat Dads Who Blog - Part III article, entitled "Becoming A Father in Switzerland", basically tells the story of how it felt to become a father, from the joy of finding out my wife was pregnant, through the worries and concerns of how much my life would change, to the eventual elation of the birth of my daughter, and how my own little world has changed since that day.

If you followed the previous articles published on the Geneva Family Diaries website (see Part I - Moving to Switzerland and Part II - Settling in Switzerland), then you probably know a fair bit about me. If you haven't read them, but you still want to know about me - thanks again for your interest! - then I invite you to read the summary I wrote as a welcome message to visitors who read Part II (see Expat Dads Who Blog - Part II).

I have now lived in Switzerland for over three years, and in that time I have learnt a lot about this beautiful country. As you can see from various articles in my back catalogue, I try to write as honestly as possible about the things I see and do here, so hopefully this blog will help others in some small way.

If anyone wants to get in touch with me about life in Switzerland, please feel free to drop me an email:    erniemcpeck@gmail.com

Happy reading!

Paul